For the last couple of months, something’s been a bit “wrong” with the pervy side of me. I still enjoyed the pervy times I’d had since moving, but things just didn’t feel the same or as exciting as they had before. It was probably due to the stress of things which have happened recently, but I just wanted things to feel “right” again.
Over the New Years’ long weekend, I spent four amazing days with Boots, mdot48, thestig, tieme and zx6rlad, and something seemed to change inside my head. I finally learned how to take my mind off things, to get all the stupid worries of the outside world out of my mind and concentrate on what was important at the time.
I noticed the change during a session where Boots was strapped down to a bondage table in rubber and hockey gear and “tormented” for a few hours. I watched him lying there, in his own pervy world, and soon my mind could think of nothing else but what I could see before me. It dawned on me that this was the sort of thing I’d dreamt of seeing for years. Still suffering from disbelief that the guys I was with really are my close friends and that the guy strapped down is my Alpha, and that what I was seeing was real, my horny mind woke up in a way it hadn’t done so for months, and I watched the session unfold with amazement as I sat there in my rubber.
The next day, it was my turn to experience being the tormented perv. As I got dressed in my rubber catsuit, my mind raced through the possibilities of what could happen in the next couple of hours. I began to grow a bit nervous, all the thoughts spinning in my head, and the disbelief that any of it could be about to happen to me. My rubber suit on, I looked at my rubberised body in the mirror, looked into my reflection’s eyes, and tried to find that relaxed but horny state of mind I’d discovered the previous day. Surprisingly, it worked, I calmed down and I went downstairs confident in the knowledge that whatever happened, Boots knew exactly what I’d like to do, and that he and the other guys were all trustworthy.
Boots ordered me to put my pup hood on, and to face the wall while he locked my collar on me and forced some rubber mitts on my hands. Being told what to do by him helped me get into the right mindset even more, and as I got onto the bondage table ready to be strapped down, I began to feel my horny side coming out again. I lay on the table, my eyes closed, my mind relaxed, enjoying the feelings of the guys fastening and tightening the straps, holding my body, arms, legs and head in place, knowing I was going nowhere and enjoying every second of it. A gasmask with hose was slipped over the top of my pup hood, and I grew slightly hornier knowing I would be given poppers whenever they felt like it. A blindfold and earphones with loud music followed, and I was cut off from the outside world. I remember thinking back to the session I’d seen the previous day, seeing Boots in a very similar situation, and my mind fully shut out the outside world like it never has before.
I lay there, unable to hear, see or move, unsure of what was coming next. Normally my mind would’ve began to think about what I’d like for them to do to me, but this time was different. This time I was more than happy to trust them to do what they liked, even if it did begin with some evil tickling! I’d talked about how giving up control to guys I trusted in a session would make me feel, but this was the first time I truly experienced it.
Time passed – how much, I didn’t know or care. Everything they did to me felt a lot more intense than it ever had – and I wonder how much my previous inability to relax in a session has stopped me from fully enjoying pervy experiences. They rubbed their hands over my rubber clad body, controlled me with electro, and made the venus 2000 have its evil way with me, and all of it felt like I’d never tried it before – it all felt so much better than it had in the past. When I did finally feel myself being released and the blindfold and earphones came off, I could do nothing but smile. Every part of my body was relaxed but exhausted! I stood in the shower after taking my rubber off, reliving the whole experience in my mind.
I learnt a lot in those four days. My pup side was also reawakened with some coaxing from Boots, and I remembered there’s more to it than just looking like a pup – you have to find the right headspace. The sense of pride when I’m a “good pup” is something I can’t really describe, and will probably make no sense to anyone who isn’t into pup stuff. It’s just something I’m gonna strive to be from now on, that’s all I know.
So yes, 2010 has gotten off to a good start. Social time with the guys over those four days was fun as usual, and that will always be the most important thing, but rediscovering how much fun it can be having those same guys as pervs has reminded me just how lucky I’ve been. Lessons have been learnt and my mind is more clear now about a lot of things than it has been for a while. Things feel “right” again. I feel more positive about things, so hopefully my “normal” life will feel the effects of that, and I look forward to what the rest of the year will bring.