Locked Up For My Own Good?
Well, the chastity vs no chastity dilemma has been continuing in my mind for the past couple of weeks, with my mind almost always at least partially in favour of going for it, at least to try it long-term just once with a proper chastity device.
When I first moved away and gained my “freedom” 3 years ago, I loved being able to gear up and shoot my load whenever the mood took me. Since then, it’s degraded into shooting most days (sometimes more than once), quite often not geared up, and most of the time not really horny. A lot of the time, I was wanking purely for something to do on a boring night on my own – and stupidly was wondering why my libido was often so much lower than it used to be.
My willpower-based chastity for 8 days a couple of weeks ago opened my eyes – it’s made me realise that I’ve been slowly making all the pervy stuff seem less “special”. All the lazy wanks (geared up or not) while watching downloaded porn were spoiling the way I feel about being a gearhead – I suppose it was becoming too “easy”, and as a result, I’ve been left feeling ever more frustrated when playing on my own.
Recently, I bought myself an ET-312 electro kit and a rubber “dive suit” from Expectations. New gear/toys always increases my enjoyment when playing on my own, but now I realise that I’m slowly “spoiling” them for myself by using them so often for what turns out to be a quick 20 minute electro HFO (and despite telling myself I’ll keep going after I shoot and stay in the gear, that never happens).
Because of this, tonight I ordered myself a Birdlocked chastity device, despite still having some doubts about whether I’ll be able to cope with being locked up long term. Yes, it could solve my libido problems by making sure I can’t possibly shoot and spoil the pervy stuff for myself, and I do hope that my horniness will build up again like it did during those 8 days, and I’ll be feeling pervier than ever! On top of that, the thought of Rubberwulf (my bf) and Boots (my alpha) having complete control over my cock (and therefore getting into my pervy thoughts), really turns me on all of a sudden!
The worry is that I’ll have a different reaction – I may lose all interest since getting horny is pointless if I can’t do anything about it, or I may get frustrated in a bad way. If so, the device can at least still be used for shorter periods during a pervy weekend to keep me focused. I’ll find out which type of frustration it will be very soon – it should arrive sometime in the next few days…