Less Pup, More Gimp
I’ve known about pup play almost as long as I’ve been enjoying being a rubbery gimpy pervert, but there’s always been that doubt in my head about whether I really am a pup.
Bootspup and my other close friends have helped me to understand pup play over the years, but it’s become less of a fantasy of mine to become a rubbery pup to be played with. As much as they’ve helped me get close to the pup “headspace” in the past, there’s always a part of me that can’t switch off enough to prevent me from feeling self-conscious.
As I’ve said before, I’m one of those people who struggles to relax into something. I struggle to bark, as well as act how a pup “should” be, because I can’t calm my mind enough to feel natural doing it. I’m aware that there are many different discussions on what a pup “should” be, and I’d like to believe that it’s one of those things for which there’s no set rules – you can be whatever kind of pup makes you happiest, and that’s all that matters.
However, as much as I believe that, I still look at all the photos and videos of gear pups out there – posing, wagging, barking – and can’t help but wish I could switch my mind off and be like them. I’m thankful for Boots and my other friends’ help and support in helping me discover more about being a rubber pup, and trying to get me to the right headspace, but as long as I’m unable to feel comfortable at least acting somewhat like a pup, I feel like it isn’t for me.
I’m still turned on by seeing pups fully rubbered or geared up, especially with bondage of some form added, but my own rubber pup sub time slowly turned into being a rubber gimp: in my mind I was merely a rubber gimp who was wearing a pup hood rather than a plain hood or gasmask (these days I barely wear the pup hood at all).
This isn’t to say I’m not happy being a rubber gimp – it makes me happier than most other things in the world. Unlike pup play, I don’t have to worry about acting a way that feels unnatural to me, and because of that, I can relax into the headspace and enjoy the entire experience.
To make things even more complicated, the jackal mask has had an unexpected effect on me – seeing myself as a rubber jackal for the first time, it was as if the mask had taken over me. I couldn’t help but act and feel differently, and found myself growling deeply and loudly as I made myself shoot, and at no point did I feel self-conscious doing it.
I think the thing I’ve learnt over the last few years is that you’re constantly evolving over your pervy “journey” – what turns you on and what you enjoy doing can and will change as you gain more experience and chat to and meet new people – the main thing is to enjoy it. Some things will fall by the wayside, some will go through cycles of turning you on and then not working for you, before turning you on again a few months later – while other things will always be horny to you.
I’m not saying I’ll never feel comfortable being a barking, wagging rubbery pup, it’s just not the thing for me right now – I’m happy being a gimpy rubber object…and a gimp-using rubber jackal!