5 Years of Pervery

Today marks 5 years since I tried rubber for the first time.

It’s hard to believe that just over 5 years ago, I’d spent so much time hating myself for being turned on by rubber. I went through so many vicious cycles of pretty much using people for photos and videos to get horny, followed by denial and anger at myself for having such “abnormal” thoughts. Not only the gear, but the fact I was wanking over images of guys in gear gave me all sorts of issues, in my messed up “straight” brain (strangely it took me longer to accept that I’m gay than it did to accept the kink side).

I bought gasmasks and other gear from the local army surplus stores, and quickly binned them after my first time having fun in them. I went through phases where I did manage to resist the urges at the back of my mind, and I tried to live a “normal” life, but something always brought me back to gear and chatting to guys.

It’s an understatement to say that I’m pleased I couldn’t resist those urges, to meet someone and try rubber “just once, to see whether I like it or not”. Just that one weekend was enough to make me want to abandon the stupid idea of a “normal” life – having one of those would always have been a lie for me.

There have been some hard moments since then, and I’m sure there’ll be more to come, but a big part of being a gearhead is friendship and the community – guys who are not only into the gear and the kinky activities, but they’ve also been through similar denial and guilt phases. I’m closer to my pervy friends than I could ever have been to “normal” friends – they’ve helped me through so much, and I want to help them as much as I possibly can.

At the risk of sounding like someone at an awards ceremony, I can’t thank those guys enough. I’ve had the best time of my life in those 5 years, and without them, it wouldn’t have been anywhere near as life-changing as it has been.

To my awesome boyfriend (Rubberwulf), my Alpha (Bootspup), as well as all my close friends in the UK, the guys who made me feel so welcome in Chicago, and the guys I chat to online and hope to meet one day: thank you!

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